Idiot of the Day (which still isn't done daily)

With my newsletter going out in a few days I thought I wasn't going to have an Idiot of the Month (see, here it's idiot of the day, on the Newsletter it's idiot of the month) until I saw todays quotes by former FEMA head Mike Brown. Oh, by the way, he was reassigned but still on the government payroll.

My favorite quote is this one. What the hell, go ahead and kick Louisiana while they are down.

"My biggest mistake was not recognizing by Saturday that Louisiana was dysfunctional," two days before the storm hit, Brown said.

Dysfunctional? That's the best he could come up with? Also, unlike most politicians who at least even though we know they don't mean it take some blame this a-hole won't take any. He has pointed blame to the following

Louisiana Governer Kathleen Blanco
New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin
The Dept. of Homeland Security
"a hysteric media"
Army Lt. Gen. Russel Honore, the military coordinator for the disaster whom he called "A Bull in a China closet"
"Americans themselves must play a more active role in preparing for natural disasters - and not expect more from the government than it can deliver."


Hmm, seems like everyone here is to blame except himself, FEMA, and his buddy "W"

Another sign of hitting it big!

Well, getting beyond the point that the sign says Comedy Sept 8th even though it was Sept 22nd when we did the show.

It's nice to know that you aren't quite top billing above "Friday Nite Live with Bubba" but at least you are considered higher billing than. "Line Dancing Wednesday"

Retarded Heckler

I don't even remember what joke I was doing at the time when this guy during the silence before the punch line yelled out

"Git R Done"

So I got out my camera and said I'm going to take a picture of this retarded heckler and put it up on the web page.

I swear if I hear one more person use in any context whatsoever "Get R Done" I'm kicking them in the gonads.

How to get into a comedy hole.

Most of you that have seen me perform know that I like talking to the audience sometimes during my show.

This particular couple I was talking to and the conversation went pretty much like this.

Me: "So, how long have you two been married"
Her: "(O.K. I don't remember how long they said)
Me: "So, did you guys go on a honeymoon?"
Her" "Yes"
Me. "Where did you go"
Her: "Tennessee"
(Insert audience and my own laughter here)
Me: "O.K. I've been doing this about 15 years and have NEVER had anyone say 'Tennessee', why Tennesse? Did you want to go somewhere with more white trash then you have in Merrillville?" (I'm all about making friends)
Her: "No, originally we were going to go on a cruise"
Me: "Stop, how do you go from going on a cruise to going to Tennessee?"
Her: "Well you see his dad died"
Me: "So, you had to go to a funeral on your honeymoon?"
They: "Yes"
Me: "O.K. thanks for brining to the show to a halt, not to many places I can go after that. Lady I'll give you some advice, next time just lie."

(Me, whew, I was able to get the crowd back after that last line)

So at that point I took my camera out of my pocket and took a picture and said I would put it on my website as the people who brought my show to a halt, and as they say, the rest is history.

Bill Bushart, Sean, and myself

From Wisecrakers comedy club in Merrillville, IN. (In case you were thinking the sign said Wisecakers and was wondering what the heck a Wisecaker is)

Bill Bushart, Sean the MC, and myself.

Kicking it "Old School" at the pump

This is for you kids that may have never seen one of these "old school" gas pumps.

This was at a Gas Station outside of Spring Lake Michigan where I stopped to get gas.

The sign notes that the price listed is per 1/2 gallon. The attendant told me that these pumps aren't even capable of going higher than $2.99 a gallon.

5 signs you are entering comedy hell.

Surprisingly they are all on this one sign.

1. Note we didn't even have our names posted. We have been duly noted as "Thing 1" and "Thing 2"

2. Free. For comedy shows Free=Hell

3. Note the high quality of this sign. You know that no expense is spared on the advertising budget.

4. No talking has to be stressed and underlined before you even enter the room

5. Minimum age 18

What's the point?

So, first off, no I'm not staying at the Ritz. I just grabbed this picture off of the net.

I am staying at a really nice hotel though. The Radisson in Merrelville, IN. My point is I often wonder what is the point of the Do Not Disturb sign. I'm in my room working on the PC and sure as crap with that big ass DO NOT DISTURB sign on my door housekeeping still bangs on the door. In most places if they don't come knocking on the door if you have your DO NOT DISTURB sign up then they will call you on the phone and wake you up that way.

ADDENDUM:

So, I went out for a few hours and I get back to my room and sure enough housekeeping is my room cleaning. ARGHH!! I hate that, see, I'm such a slob that I feel like I have to clean my room before housekeeping can come in and clean my room.

Gary Fields-Kalamazoo, MI

Rico Bruce Wade came out and did a guess set Saturday night proving that no comedians actually look anything like their headshots!





From L-R Gary Fields with the "Macho Pose",Me, Rico Bruce Wade, (sounds like a serial killer, serial killers always have that middle name thing going), and Joe Dunckel.

One of the first things Joe said after seeing me after several years was basically "I didn't recognize you, you've gotten so big and old!" Thanks buddy! :-)

By the way, the Reverse Double-Stuff Oreo posing in this picture was not intentional.

Strange folks

This was a strange conversation I had with a complete stranger today. Please keep in mind this was a serious conversation the whole time.

I was in a waiting area and there was another guy there and myself and they were showing some of the footage from the waters in New Orleans. I'll try to quote this as best I can.

Stranger: "You got any people down there?"
Me: "Fortunately no I don't, do you?"
Stranger: "Yes I got some people in Biloxi (and a few other places he mentioned)"
Me: "Have you heard from any of them?"
Stranger: "No not yet.
I never cared for it down there in New Orleans where they built that city so low"
Me: "Yes, it's kind of scary building a city that big below sea level with the water being held back by levies"
(Now this is where it gets good, remember this is a serious conversation with no humor at all.)
Stranger: "Yep, that the exact same thing that happened to Atlantis, they built it below sea level"

At this time amazingly I was able to find something to distract me and leave.

The "Fabulous" life of an entertainer

People think that the life of an entertainer is all big time glitz and living the life of luxury. O.K. granted as I'm writing this I'm staying on the 'executive' floor of the Radisson in Kalamazoo. I almost feel guilty about it. It's one of those deals when I get in the elevator to get to my floor I have to use a special key. I feel like I have to keep telling people when they ask that it was a mix up and they had to upgrade me to this floor.

Anyhows, this is the rarity and not the norm. For example, my accomodations Tuesday night was at the Pines Motel in Pentwater, MI.






You may ask why I'm waiting so late in the week to post these pictures. Well, it's not like I could have done it at the Pines as the rooms have no phones. I also could not get a signal on my cell phone. I felt like a castaway on Gilligans' Island.

I did end up watching the DVD Dodgeball on my laptop. I watched it on my laptop as by the picture below you may not be able to tell but the screen on this T.V. was smaller than the screen on my laptop.



By the way. For those of you under the age of 30 or so those funny lookig things on the T.V. are called 'knobs'. See way back in the stone age when these types of T.V.s were made you actually had to get up, walk across the room, and change the channel.

Strange art at the 'Zoo

Kalamazoo, Michigan that is.
I went out and did some Geocaching the other day and came across this strange artwork at a park named "The Mayors Park" in Kalamazoo.



Strang Artwork

Upon closer inspection this is on one of the poles



Now that is what you want your kids to see when taking them out to a day in the park. Something to give them nightmares about!